An Open Letter to Wrinkled Linens

Dear Wrinkled Linen;

You hurt my eyes. I can spot you 10 miles away and I become short-of-breath when I notice you. Truth be told, when I open a magazine or walk into a ballroom, I do not want to see you. You ruin the look of the table and you make a whole lot of hard work disappear because you are so obvious.

Now, I understand that you must be laundered and pressed by your owner but that does not mean that your renter should pay the price. And that is why I am writing this letter. I want to put you on notice that I, Jodi Bos of In Any Event, will no longer tolerate your unsightly existence. I will not let another event suffer because I failed to inform my readers that they MUST iron you before they put you on the table. No questions asked.

It really is so easy because you typically arrive 2 days prior to an event which gives the renter plenty of time to destroy you. And if you live in a hotel ballroom, all a person would need to do is ask to take you home prior to the event so you can be obliterated.

This probably makes you feel bad and I'm sorry about that. But you're just ugly and you need to go.

Sincerely,
Jodi

Next up: An open letter to the mirror in the middle of the table.